This post is a difficult one to do because it is about my sister, Lynda. She passed away on June 6th, two days before her 69th birthday. It involved a series of events...heart attack, triple bypass, stroke and ultimately arrhythmia that they were unable to stabilize due to all the other health issues.
So she has been gone from this world for 16 days, and I just cannot wrap my mind around it. She is in my thoughts several times a time and during the night if I happen to wake up. I look at her photo and remember all the life events we shared together, and my heart aches to realize we will not be sharing the future. Even though our phone calls were infrequent, I want to pick up the phone and call her. While driving through the twin cities on my way to Brainerd yesterday, I wanted so badly to be able to stop by for a visit and asked myself why I didn't visit more often. We get so busy with our own lives that we forget to make time for those people we care so much about.
Her memorial service was beautiful with music by our brothers and sister-in-law. I shared memories and thoughts as well as my nephew, Lynda's friend and both of our brothers. There were moments of tears and laughter and an outpouring of love from the many friends and family that loved her so much. I am fairly sure she had no idea how many people's lives she had touched and how dearly she was loved. Lynda was a person who always put others first, almost to a fault. She would make sure every one else was taken care of before giving a thought to herself. She did not want any attention and so I attempt to comfort myself with the belief that she would not have wanted to live as an invalid and have others fuss over her. However, I needed her here longer as did her entire family, especially her three young grandsons that she adored.
I feel like life should have stopped longer to honor our great loss. How dare the sun continue to shine or rain continue to fall? My lovely sister is gone, and even Mother Nature should have given pause.
Oh, Lynda. I love and miss you so much and don't want to let you go!
Thought for the day: Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
This past week I celebrated my 54th birthday. I was thinking back and wondering how many birthdays I actually remember and decided it was three.
On my 18th birthday I graduated from high school so that is memorable. When I turned 30, I was on my way home from Nashville with my parents and sister. When we woke up that morning my dad was a bit cranky and totally forgot it was my birthday which caused me to cry because not only was I 30 but he forgot. The next one I very clearly remember was my 50th when my amazing daughters arranged a surprise party and invited several women who had been important at different times in my life. I was totally and completed surprised, and it felt like a wonderful episode of "This Is Your Life".
Guess I am not a big birthday person in that I don't make a big deal of it nor do I profess to remembering every one's birthday or recognizing it. It did seem amazing that out of 54 years, I only remembered three birthdays. In doing some research about birthdays, this is what I found.
It was believed that one could be helped by good spirits or pursued by evil spirits on one's birthday. For this reason, people would gather around the birthday person to offer protection from evil spirits. The Greeks believed that everyone had a protective spirit that guarded over his birth and protected him during his life. This spirit, the Greeks believed, "had a mystic relation with the god on whose birthday the individual was born".
So my conclusion after thinking about birthdays for the past few days is this: the main reason we do it is to honor a person and to make them feel like they are cared for and loved. It is a day set aside to simply recognize our specialness as a distinct human being.
Quote for the day: A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. – By Author Unknown
Yesterday while doing yoga, I heard a loud thud. I got up to look out the glass doors to see what happened. I saw a bird twitching on the ground and realized it had flown into the glass. It stopped moving, and I went back to my yoga mat. For the next few minutes, I kept checking out the glass to see if perhaps it had just been stunned and would soon fly away. However, that did not happen; the only movement was the wind rustling the feathers.
So having the contemplative mind that I do, I wondered why I was so touched by this occurrence. It came to me that what happened to this bird is the same as what can happen to any living being, including we homo sapiens. It was probably just seconds before that the bird was making a stop at one of my feeders to grab a quick bite to eat. He wasn't even enjoying the moment because the mind was focused on the next move. Well, it turns out that the next move was the last. This happens to deer, squirrels, raccoons, skunks, etc as they simply try to cross a road to get to their next task in life. It happens to humans as we rush from one place to the next and end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
This leads to the thought of how important it is to live in the present moment because in reality, it is all we have. We would be so much more at peace if we could reach a place of living in the present moment and enjoying it. Instead, we rush through each moment just to arrive at the next task or event and some times that next one never comes.
We can't change the past nor predict the future, but we can live right now. It's all we have.
Thought for the day: The meeting of two eternities, the past and future....is precisely the present moment.
-- Henry David Thoreau
In previous postings, I have mentioned that Sundays have a different feel for me. They are steeped in memories. Now I am realizing that Saturdays feel that way, too. So I have been contemplating why do weekends feel so unique. In fact, it's more than just a feeling; it is as if I am transported. There is no similar occurrence for weekdays.
On Saturdays I can feel the bustle of chores being done, and a special lunch being made. My mother worked full time so weekends were different; she was around and busy. Sundays, of course, were all about the weekly trek to the small Lutheran church which included its own cast of characters and always a wonderful Sunday dinner. On the way home from church, my dad always swung over to the mailbox to grab the Sunday paper. While my mother put the finishing touches on dinner, my dad would watch the late morning news shows. In later years, we might have gone out to eat on Sundays. These rituals began as a small child and continued until my mother passed away at age 78. I still spent time with my father, but things were never the same. My children became a part of this routine, too.
Until recently, I couldn't really understand why were these things so ingrained in my brain (to the point of almost being there). It is finally clear that those people and experiences were the longest in duration of any others in my life. They became in my mind a place of security and longevity.
This brings me to why I named the post "Mountain Pose." I do yoga several times a week in my home, and each exercise begins with that pose and returns often to it. Mountain Pose is a place of grounding, strength and well being. It's simple but profound. Your legs are planted on the Earth, the chest and head are slightly elevated, and you stand strong and secure. Now I make the connection between that special period of time in my life and this pose. My parents, the people of that community and all the experiences associated with it were my "mountain pose." One by one those people and those times have been wrested from my life and now at the age of almost 54, I have to come to terms with that and learn to look back with gratitude and fondness. It can never be recreated. I can't join a local Lutheran church and make Sundays dinners and expect it to be the same.
I suspect that weekends will always have a different feel; that will not end. It is nice to come to an understanding of why.
Thought for the day: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss
I don't fancy myself a lover of technology, but I do have to say the DVR is one of the greatest inventions. No longer am I held captive by commercials or an entire show. For instance, when watching Andy Griffith I can skip Henry Winkler (aka the Fonz) pitching reverse mortgages to old people. Or maybe while watching American Idol you don't want to see Nikki Minaj play with her hair one more time....Fast Forward! While watching Ellen, I can skip ahead if I really don't care about Mario Lopez's pets. It's great! Now I either DVR a show or watch public television that doesn't have commercials.
People will often ask me if I have seen a certain commercial to which I must reply "I don't watch commercials." You can cut almost an hour off a two hour show by skipping commercials.
So this got me to thinking about the possibility of life being recorded on a DVR. How wonderful it would be to either skip ahead to avoid a winter that is getting too long (like this one) or I would love to skip to June 1st so our renter would be gone. You could also reverse so you could spend another day with loved ones that are gone or revisit your childhood. One might also want to spend some time with your children when they were young; just one more day watching them play in the park or snuggle in your arms. There is nothing like new love so wouldn't it be awesome to go back to the first few days of a new romance.
Of course, the rule would be that you couldn't change a thing; all would be left as it was. You wouldn't have the option of fast forwarding through the bad parts. You would also have to fast forward to reality once again. Well, I know this is a pipe dream but awful fun to think about.
Thought for the day: “No man is rich enough to buy back his past.” Oscar Wilde
Well, once again my confidence has been shaken. Since moving to Wisconsin in November of 2011, we have owned two homes. Our home in Minnesota is for sale but with the weak housing market, it is still ours. We began renting it in June of last year so this allowed me to begin my journey of leaving the workplace. About ten days ago, I received a telephone call informing me that the renter had taken his own life. This news immediately made my thoughts go in the direction of needing to find a job. Of course this was the only solution; we needed more money. I grappled with this for a few days until I regained some clarity of thought and then began to look at other possibilities. My daughter encouraged me not to look for a job; things would work out.
For the past couple days, I have had the classic experience of having two small figures (one of each shoulder) going back and forth with conflicting advice. My responsible classical thinking self tells me I have no choice while my "think outside the box" self informs me there must be other ways to make this work. It tells me you want the summer off and do not want to sit in some office again giving your time and energy to some thing you don't really care about. You want to be available for your family, your home, the outdoors, etc. If you had the knowledge that your life would end soon, where would you want to be?
So this is my life right now; back and forth between conflicting ideas. I truly want to continue this journey.
Thought for today: A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the
director of his life. ~James Allen
Ever since I was a child, there has been a fascination for me with the past. The Amish have always intrigued me, the Little House book series was my favorite and there has been a feeling that I belonged more in the 1880s then the 1980s.
I even had this absurd concept that the world really was black and white at one time or at least there must have been less color. Subconsciously I think I believed that people had a difficult time functioning without modern inventions or conveniences.
With my extra time I have been watching some old movies and televison shows. Through this I have come to realize that my odd beliefs were not true. People lived life in color and grappled with the same human issues of today. They didn't go through daily life bemoaning what hadn't been invented; they just lived. If I look back at my own experience, there wasn't time spent contemplating what could or might be. Certain things such as rural electrification and modern washing machines certainly changed lives considerably. However, I would argue that even with modern conveniences, we still don't have more free time or a larger sense of fulfillment.
So I have been forced to look at the past in a different light and to realize that while some aspects may have been better; other realities were not. Much the same as our world today. There are parts of the world of the 1880s that I would embrace, but at the same time I would not want to return to a time when blacks and women had no rights. I am learning that each era has good and bad elements; perhaps we can choose to keep some of the good and be thankful some of the bad have been eradicated.
Thought for today: “The
distinction between past, present, and future is only a
stubbornly persistent illusion” Albert Einstein
