Love Hurts and Heals

Last evening we lost our beloved Henry.  He was hit by a car while crossing the busy road in front of our house.  Deep down we knew this day might come, but our brains have a way of denying the truth.
Our last day together is quite vivid which makes me feel good.  He spent quite a bit of time on my lap and snuggled up to me while I was using the computer.  At one point, we looked into each other's eyes.  It was a moment I will cherish always.
You see, Henry wasn't just a cat; he was magic.  He happened upon us at a time when we needed each other.  I had recently lost my sister, and he was struggling a bit to make it in the wild.  So we became friends, and at some point he decided I was trustworthy enough to enter our home.  He knew he was loved enough that we wouldn't hold him captive and so he became an indoor/outdoor cat.  Every time I let him out, I knew he may not come back, but I loved him so much that keeping him in wasn't an option.  He thoroughly loved being outside; it gave him purpose, but he was just as happy to soak up the sun as it penetrated the dining room rug.  He was somewhat like a dog in that he followed me and wanted to be in our space.  He adored our dog, Maxine, and even though Maxine would nip at him on occasion, he never gave up.  They ended up snuggling many times.

He wasn't just a cat; he was a messenger.  He taught us hope, love and how to trust.  He taught us that even though our time together might be brief, that doesn't diminish the depth of the love and bond.  As I take in the void today and occasionally think I might see his sweet face at the patio door, I am able to function quite well because we had a phenomenal relationship.  I realize now that it was the most pure and complete love I have ever experienced.  It was a relationship in which there were no regrets because I never took him for granted.  I took every opportunity to stroke him and tell him he was loved.  There was no resentments and no what ifs.  So because it was so blessedly complete, it seems much easier to let go.  

He had many nicknames.....I called him Flotsam because he would come in with various items hanging from his fur.....he was referred to as the Gray Flash because he could often be seen darting around the yard after different animals.  Brian called him my boyfriend because he knew how much I loved him.  He would often sit by the patio door and watch the backyard; I would walk by and ask him if he was watching cat TV.  Today Brian said that Henry made gray the most beautiful color in the world, and that is not easy to do!
So once again we experience loss; the longer you live, and the harder you love equates to more grief.  On the other hand, not one fiber of me would give up one moment with our magic cat.

Thought for the day:  "It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch."

Relationships

Is there any thing more complicated than relationships?  They are vital to life itself and contribute to the survival of the human species.  I am noticing that as I become older, relationships aren't as easy for me to begin or maintain.  My tendency is towards being an introvert so I have always had just a handful of really good friends.  That is all I could handle because in my world, relationships must be deep.  I don't do casual friendships or small talk very well.  Now with aging and an energy level that is not up to youthful standards, my friend list has dwindled to about three.  Of course, I have my family that I love and care for deeply.  With the advent of grandchildren, those relationships have become more my focus.  

I have a handful of friends that I see maybe once or twice a year.  We mostly have history in common more than any thing current.  There are a couple of friendships that I consider strained and almost feel like some thing I carry around that should be let go.  

Romantic relationships are the most complicated of all.  They start out full of promise and giddiness.  Then you begin to add children, financial issues, fatigue, aging, sickness, etc, and things don't seem as rosy.  It is at this point that you have to let go of what was and work with what is.  When a couple can't shift and move on in growth together, that is when the deck of cards falls.  When I consider how difficult it is to maintain a relationship, it seems amazing that so many do survive.  In the past, couples were focused more on survival and children were necessary to help with that survival.  Now we have moved past that and have more expectations.  This adds to the difficulty of a relationship surviving when those expectations aren't met.  It seems that you really don't know a person until you have lived with them, and I have found that to be totally true.  

At this stage, I am happy with my small list of friends and my wonderful family.  I want to invest my time and energy in what I have instead of going out into the world looking for new friends.  I just don't feel like I need them.  It's great to have reached a stage where I can say that is okay and embrace the introvert that I am!

Thought for the day:  Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one. ~Don Miguel Ruiz

Gratitude

There has been quite a bit written lately about the importance of gratitude.  If you deliberately attempt to embrace gratitude on a daily basis, it is supposed to promote happiness.  Instead of making any resolutions when the calendar turned to 2015, I decided to have a gratitude jar.  There are also gratitude journals in which you list up to five things every day for which you are grateful.  I decided it would be good to see the jar as I go about my day so it would jog my thoughts of gratitude.

I must admit that some days it can be difficult to come up with a concrete thing to add to the jar; especially on cold winter days.  If you can't come up with some thing new, there is always health, family and life itself.

Thought for the day:  Gratitude is not the only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.   Cicero

Cemeteries

Some people may think it strange or morbid, but I enjoy walking through cemeteries.  First of all, they are peaceful and quiet.  Finding a place with those qualities these days can be difficult.  Secondly, I feel a connection to the past as I read all the names of those no longer among the living.  Even if I don't know the names, it's intriguing to put together a story of what may have happened.  As you pass old markers etched with the names of babies and young children,  you begin to clearly see how extremely fragile life was before the advent of antibiotics and modern medicine.

There was a cemetery within walking distance of the farm where I grew up, and many times over the years I would wander through the graveyard.  This past summer when I was in the area, I stopped there and took photos of particular gravestones that had caught my interest in the past.  The passing of time was shown by how many more familiar names I now saw as I passed the graves of the people who held an important place in my formative years.

This gravestone was one that has held my interest for many years.  It is a simple statement made by a family that apparently had few resources.  Despite that, it is evident there was love.

                                         OLE AND OLENA LUND

The second stone that I always visited when I strolled through the cemetery was one that came with a story.   The postmaster and his wife married later in life, and they had one child.  She was a daughter who was named Lillie.  When she was 14, she died after riding her bike on a hot summer day.  Apparently, she was extremely hot and drank quite a bit of very cold water.  As you could imagine, this was devastating for this couple.  They closed the door to her bedroom and left it as it was.  

On several of our trips, we have stopped at cemeteries.  On the East coast, the dates of death were often in the early 1800s or even late 1700s.  Of course, one of my favorites was Henry David Thoreau and Louise Mae Alcott.  The most famous one we visited was Pere Lachaise  in Paris.   There we saw small houses built for the dead with magnificent sculptures and artwork.  

So that is my story about why you can often find me wandering around amongst the headstones.

Thought for the day:  The only real equality is in the cemetery.  German proverb

The Ordinary

I have two books that address the idea of finding joy in simplicity and embracing the ordinary.  This concept takes many forms such as minimalism, Buddhism, Native American beliefs, the Shakers, etc.  
While I am not Buddhist, Native American or a Shaker, I do find peace in minimalism.  I find that when my space is cluttered, my mind is cluttered.  I do admit that I can take it to an extreme at times, for instance, I keep my e-mail inbox to about 5-10, and I get "nervous" when my DVR is less than 75% free.  

I realize that as a child growing up on a farm in the 1960s, generally my life was one of simplicity and few material belongings.  A couple of my favorite things to do were hanging out in the hay shed taming wild cats and sitting by the very small creek in the field watching the water ripple over the rocks.  We only had one television channel, and the only movie I saw during my childhood was Snow White.

As I grew up and became a wife and mother, it seems I left behind some of those ideals.  Now as I approach old age and seem to be searching for my authentic self, I once again find solace in simplicity and quiet. Maybe that is how the cycle of life works; we eventually come back to ourselves.   I limit my television watching to a about five channels and leave the other 150 alone.  I hang my clothes outside in the summertime and on racks in the basement during the winter.  I find joy in chirping birds, acrobatic squirrels and the miracle of flowers that return every year.  

All goes back to the earth,

and so I do not desire

pride of excess or power,

but the contentments made

by men who have had little:

the fisherman’s silence

receiving the river’s grace,

the gardener’s musing on rows....

~Wendell Berry, "The Want of Peace"

 I remember when my mother passed away and I was going through her jewelry box and dresser drawers, it became apparent to me that she was a simple person.  It was then I realized where my love of simplicity derived, and it touched me deeply.  

Some times being your authentic self isn't always approved by others; society wants you to fit a mold. Every day we are bombarded with extraordinary stories and images of celebrity.  We are made to feel like we don't measure up, and we are just ordinary.  However, I have found that true happiness comes from finding out who you are and being that person.  I believe that the true nirvana to be reached in this life is happiness in whatever form that resonates with you.



Thought for the day:  To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter... to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird’s nest or a wildflower in spring — these are some of the rewards of the simple life. ~John Burroughs

Do You Believe in Fairies?

On a couple of occasions when I have been out of town for a few days, I will return to empty ice cube trays.  My husband has stated that the "ice cube fairy" must have been out of town.  Well, as I pondered this concept, it occurred to me there must be quite a few fairies living in our home.

Here are a few examples:

ice cube fairy

cooking fairy

dishwashing fairy

shopping fairy

cleaning fairy

bill paying fairy

laundry fairy

paperwork fairy


Here's a shout out to the all the fairies of the world and those who live in the shadows but keep the world turning.  Guess I better don my wings and get started on dinner!


Thought for the day:  The fairies went from the world, dear, because men's hearts grew cold.  And only the eyes of children see what is hidden from the old.
Kathleen Foyle

The Art of Illusion

Have you ever thought about how much illusion surrounds us?  Perhaps it comes with aging and wisdom, but recently I have become acutely aware of illusions.  There is an art to illusion but also a large monetary component, and of course, the more technologically advanced we become, the more sophisticated illusion can become.

Here are a few examples of illusions:

President Franklin D. Roosevelt was unable to walk unassisted, but the general population had no idea this was the case.

President John F. Kennedy was in pain most of the time from a war injury and also suffered from Addison's Disease.  The public was not aware of this and in fact, he projected himself as extremely healthy and vigorous.  He also was a great womanizer but yet when we think of he and his family, the picture is that of a beautiful, perfect family.

The majority of photographs portray us as smiling and happy when often we are unhappy and suffering from innumerable issues.  

Television, movies and magazines lead you to believe that there is always a happy ending and that you can be young forever.  Airbrushing and digital technology can transform imperfect beings into perfection which leaves the general population wondering what is wrong with them.

Then there is dating.  Does this really set us up for real life?  How often are we dressed up, smell great and are on our best behavior?  

How many times have we heard stories about abuse, murder, or suicide occurring in families that looked perfect from the outside?

Of course, there have always been magicians and illusionists that make us wonder how do they do these things?

Let's not forget all our "reality shows"  which are set up to appear like real people doing ordinary stuff.  How many of us could act real if the cameras were rolling?



I am not trying to be a pessimist or throw stones at every thing; it's just that my eyes have been opened up which leads me to question what we consider as normal.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could just accept ourselves for who we are and not be sucked into the world of the advertising moguls who want you to believe the illusion and buy the product that will provide the solution?
It seems to me there would be much less unhappiness and low self esteem and much more gratitude and contentment.  Just the thoughts of an aging person.

Thought for the day:  Illusion is the first of all pleasures.  Oscar Wilde