Back in The Saddle

It has been quite awhile since my last post.  Not totally sure why I have been neglecting this part of my life, but I do know it has been a brutal winter.  We have had below zero temps for weeks and a ton of snow.  The snow would be awesome if it were warm enough to enjoy the outdoors.
Normally New Years Day is one of my favorite holidays because it feels like a clean slate, a fresh start, etc.   This year it didn't hold that feeling for me, and I have been a bit off my game since.  Along with the weather, I have had a couple viruses that have gotten me down plus my mood just doesn't seem as upbeat as usual.  Some days I have a hard time getting up from my nap and at times go three days without showering which is not normal for me.  It's not a depression that knocks you down flat; just an undercurrent of melancholy.
I find myself thinking often of my parents and my sister; the hole that remains in my soul due to those losses.  At times I find myself transported to an earlier time and feel my parents surrounding me.  The last time I drove past my home place, I had to keep myself from turning into the driveway because I was sure my dad was sitting in his easy chair drinking brandy and watching the evening news.  Perhaps as one loses more of the people that made them who they are and draw ever closer to our own end, we go back to those times.
Obviously, those earlier days weren't all rosy but nevertheless, they felt secure.  Those people cared for and nurtured me and were part of my lives longer than any one else.  So there is a deep sense of loss.
Spring will come again and so my soul will rise from the ashes once again.

Thought:  In the Midst of Winter, I found there was within myself, an invincible summer.   Albert Camus