Too Much Loss

As I have ventured outside in this colder winter-like weather, I have found it chilling me to the bone.  Normally I don't have an issue with cold weather and in fact, at times I can embrace it.  So this got me thinking (not again!) about why the cold bothers me this fall.  Then I realized that it was a reflection of my own soul.  Since losing my sister in June, I have not really been able to fully deal with her loss.  Perhaps the warm sunny days of summer helped me put it on hold, but now the change of seasons has truly revealed the state of my soul.  It is dark, cold and full of loss. 
It is difficult for me to grasp how quickly one can be gone and yet life goes on.  It makes me think of my own demise...will the lives of those around me continue as always?  Do we put so much effort into living life only to be forgotten so quickly?  It makes one wonder why we toil so hard and worry so much about life when we know it will end, and the world will continue to turn without us.  Perhaps that is why we all hope for some thing beyond our earthly constraints.  We couldn't possibly end after putting so much into our own existence and that of others. 

Well, I must deal with this loss.  I am just not sure how to do it quite yet.  Maybe I need to spend some time at her house in order to truly comprehend that she will no longer be there.  I have been looking through old photos and understanding our history together.  I am grasping that losing Lynda has set me adrift because she was one of my caretakers; some one that knew me and cared for me my entire life.  She along with my parents and so now they are all gone.  It makes you feel a bit orphaned.
All this has also made me realize just how much loss there has been in the past two decades.  I have lost many special aunts, uncles and my parents.  The host of characters that made up my formative years such as neighbors, family friends and church people....all gone.  There has been the loss of a family dog and three cats.  You begin to realize why the elderly feel like there is no one left.
And so I must take a look at the condition of my soul and do whatever is necessary to get it to a place of warmth again.

Thought for the day: 

“Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see”  William Newton Clarke