Please don't go!

First of all, let me say that today is one of the most gorgeous summer days in my memory.  The temperature is perfect, the sky is blue, there is a slight breeze, and we still have flowers and vegetables to admire.
On Labor Day I spent a few hours sitting by the river reading and contemplating the end of another summer.  I wanted to shout and ask summer not to leave us. As I watched the river continuously flowing, I knew in my heart there was no way to stop summer from going any more than I could stop loved ones from leaving.  I thought of my parents, my sister and other relatives no longer with me, and once again nature seemed to mirror life.
I know that summer will once again arrive just as sure that I know that fall, winter and spring will come and go.  However, as I watch the hummingbirds darting about, the monarchs sailing through the air, the majestic sunflowers, wispy cosmos and vibrant zinnias, it occurs to me that next summer won't be exactly like this one.  The next season will be totally different and therefore, there is no guarantee the hummingbirds will return or the flowers will be as lush.

Here are a few highlights of the summer of 2015:

                         Brian got his ham radio equipment set up (finally)

                                     Picked some yummy strawberries with grandkids

                        Buddy came for a visit and loved the countryside

                            Fairy garden keeps getting better each year

                       Said goodbye to my red bug with Aubree and Ethan

                            Visited Sue and had a marvelous bike ride 

                            Finally able to grow some beautiful zinnias

                                     Pool time with the grandkids

                                Lots of luscious tomatoes this year

So you see why it's difficult to say goodbye to such a wonderful summer because it was a good one!

Thought for the day:  When summer gathers up her robes of glory, and like a dream, glides away.      Sarah Helen Whitman

True Meaning of Success

If one were to base their definition of a successful person on what is seen and heard in advertising, movies, television, etc, not very many of us would feel like a success.   I prefer to base my level of success on a writing by Ralph Waldo Emerson.  If I go by the following, it would seem I am doing alright!

This has been on my refrigerator since the day I found it, and I refer to it often in order to keep out the noise from the world that wants me to feel like a failure.  So next time you are doubting whether or not you matter, compare yourself to Emerson's definition of success, not that of society.

Detour on My Journey

 Well, after almost three years away from the workplace, I started a temporary position about two weeks ago.  Due to my husband's work hours being down and my need for a different car, it seemed the only rational way to deal with current issues.  I have to admit it was a bit serendipitous that about the same time I started looking for either a very part time position or a temporary situation, an eye clinic posted an ad looking for some one to cover a maternity leave.  So while I drag my feet every day I go, I am at the same time grateful to be doing some thing I know and also know it won't be forever.  At least I didn't end up working at McDonalds or housekeeping at a motel.  Not that I look down on these places of employment at all; it's just not the place for me.

I am keenly aware of how nice it was to get up every day with the knowledge that I was in control of my choices.  Now when I have a day off, I cherish every single moment.  I love being able to go back to bed since I am an early riser.  I love having time to read or work outside in the garden.  I love doing things at my own pace.

Slowly I am getting back in the groove of doing things in the evening or morning before I leave.  So far I have still been able to put my clothes on the line before I go to work; just have to check the weather to make sure they won't get soaked.  

Right now three months seems like a long time, but in my life experience I know it will come and go very quickly and hopefully I can be back doing what I love the most.

Thought for the day:  I put all my genius into life, I put only my talent into my works.  Oscar Wilde

The Month of May

It's May, and I have a little more bounce in my step and happiness in my soul. May is absolutely my favorite month of the year.  I was born in May, but that has little to do with why I love it. I do, however, feel a bit blessed to know I arrived in this world during this most wonderful time of year.   It just seems to be almost perfect in that the temperature is warm, but not too warm; the early flowers are blooming and other plants are beginning to pop from the Earth; once again clothes are snapping in the wind as they hang on the clothesline, and the gloriously fresh breezes are wafting through the house.  Can it get any better than that?

Once again the backyard is filled with birds, and you can hear them singing from dawn to dusk.  Yesterday I saw my first hummingbird, and this morning there was an oriole attempting to drink from the hummingbird feeder.  The robins are hopping around searching for worms, and the mourning doves beautiful coo can be heard.  Life has once more come to give us pause and marvel at the beauty of nature.

Thought for the day:  "What potent blood hath modest May.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Connecting generations

A few months ago my granddaughter, Melody, was supposed to dress up for school.  She knew I had a pioneer dress that I had gotten in 1976 for the bicentennial.  She decided to dress as Laura Ingalls Wilder, an author that I have loved since I was very young.  I read all her books several times.  So I got the dress delivered, and it just melted my heart to see her in it.  Melody seems to share my longtime interest in pioneer life.

Above is a photo of me wearing the dress in 1976 and Melody in 2014.

In my quest for simplicity and minimalism, I have gotten rid of a few things. Therefore, I am sure glad I saved this dress.

Thought for the day:  It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time   Barbara Kingsolver

Love Hurts and Heals

Last evening we lost our beloved Henry.  He was hit by a car while crossing the busy road in front of our house.  Deep down we knew this day might come, but our brains have a way of denying the truth.
Our last day together is quite vivid which makes me feel good.  He spent quite a bit of time on my lap and snuggled up to me while I was using the computer.  At one point, we looked into each other's eyes.  It was a moment I will cherish always.
You see, Henry wasn't just a cat; he was magic.  He happened upon us at a time when we needed each other.  I had recently lost my sister, and he was struggling a bit to make it in the wild.  So we became friends, and at some point he decided I was trustworthy enough to enter our home.  He knew he was loved enough that we wouldn't hold him captive and so he became an indoor/outdoor cat.  Every time I let him out, I knew he may not come back, but I loved him so much that keeping him in wasn't an option.  He thoroughly loved being outside; it gave him purpose, but he was just as happy to soak up the sun as it penetrated the dining room rug.  He was somewhat like a dog in that he followed me and wanted to be in our space.  He adored our dog, Maxine, and even though Maxine would nip at him on occasion, he never gave up.  They ended up snuggling many times.

He wasn't just a cat; he was a messenger.  He taught us hope, love and how to trust.  He taught us that even though our time together might be brief, that doesn't diminish the depth of the love and bond.  As I take in the void today and occasionally think I might see his sweet face at the patio door, I am able to function quite well because we had a phenomenal relationship.  I realize now that it was the most pure and complete love I have ever experienced.  It was a relationship in which there were no regrets because I never took him for granted.  I took every opportunity to stroke him and tell him he was loved.  There was no resentments and no what ifs.  So because it was so blessedly complete, it seems much easier to let go.  

He had many nicknames.....I called him Flotsam because he would come in with various items hanging from his fur.....he was referred to as the Gray Flash because he could often be seen darting around the yard after different animals.  Brian called him my boyfriend because he knew how much I loved him.  He would often sit by the patio door and watch the backyard; I would walk by and ask him if he was watching cat TV.  Today Brian said that Henry made gray the most beautiful color in the world, and that is not easy to do!
So once again we experience loss; the longer you live, and the harder you love equates to more grief.  On the other hand, not one fiber of me would give up one moment with our magic cat.

Thought for the day:  "It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch."

Relationships

Is there any thing more complicated than relationships?  They are vital to life itself and contribute to the survival of the human species.  I am noticing that as I become older, relationships aren't as easy for me to begin or maintain.  My tendency is towards being an introvert so I have always had just a handful of really good friends.  That is all I could handle because in my world, relationships must be deep.  I don't do casual friendships or small talk very well.  Now with aging and an energy level that is not up to youthful standards, my friend list has dwindled to about three.  Of course, I have my family that I love and care for deeply.  With the advent of grandchildren, those relationships have become more my focus.  

I have a handful of friends that I see maybe once or twice a year.  We mostly have history in common more than any thing current.  There are a couple of friendships that I consider strained and almost feel like some thing I carry around that should be let go.  

Romantic relationships are the most complicated of all.  They start out full of promise and giddiness.  Then you begin to add children, financial issues, fatigue, aging, sickness, etc, and things don't seem as rosy.  It is at this point that you have to let go of what was and work with what is.  When a couple can't shift and move on in growth together, that is when the deck of cards falls.  When I consider how difficult it is to maintain a relationship, it seems amazing that so many do survive.  In the past, couples were focused more on survival and children were necessary to help with that survival.  Now we have moved past that and have more expectations.  This adds to the difficulty of a relationship surviving when those expectations aren't met.  It seems that you really don't know a person until you have lived with them, and I have found that to be totally true.  

At this stage, I am happy with my small list of friends and my wonderful family.  I want to invest my time and energy in what I have instead of going out into the world looking for new friends.  I just don't feel like I need them.  It's great to have reached a stage where I can say that is okay and embrace the introvert that I am!

Thought for the day:  Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one. ~Don Miguel Ruiz